First off, we want to say that we are so overwhelmed with the love, support, thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement and hugs we have received from all of you. We haven’t been able to read our blog over the last two days so what a surprise to find tonight. Thank you just doesn’t seem enough to express our appreciation for it all.
Monday’s results couldn’t have been any worst. After my sisters arrived and had time to spend with mom, we joined the doctor in the conference room. You always know when they want to go to the conference room that it can’t be good. The doctor told us that she had in fact had a stroke. In fact she had not one but two blood clots on both sides of her brain in the back. At this point, these clots were keeping her from being about to do anything on her own. They had also blinded her and taken away her ability to speak. We also found out that she has a complete blockage in her heart, which was keeping her heart from beating correctly.
Options weren’t very good. No matter what they wanted to do for the stroke, the heart issue would get in the way. And no matter what they wanted to do for the heart issue, the stroke got in the way. Add to that challenge, the fact that fluid was now gathering around the lining of her brain, we were at a major crossroads.
It was finally the point that we had to ask, “Is this it, or is there a possibility that she could improve even with the blood clots.” The answer we received told us volumes. The reply from the doctor was, “No, at this point, this will be the best that she will ever be.”
With that said, we knew what we needed to do.
Today (Tuesday), we spent the day preparing. We spent time with her, cried together and made calls to make arrangements.
Tomorrow, they are going to pull all the monitors and tubes out, except her IV and make her as comfortable as possible. Then when we are ready, tomorrow morning they are going to turn off her pacemaker. Her heart should still beat on its own, but just slower. At some point it should go into arrhythmia and then stop on its own. We aren’t sure how long this will take, but we will be there together with her. We will talk with her and hold her hands and help her go to sleep peacefully.
This has to be the hardest decision we have ever had to make. But we know it is what she wanted. To keep her here for our own selfish wants would be a disservice to her. We are ready (I hope). We pray that it will be quick and painless. But most of all we hope she will finally find peace.
We are going to miss her. It saddens me to know that when we open Belle Grove, she won’t be able to be there to enjoy it with us. I know that she will be there in spirit and will be so proud of me. She had told me so many times how proud she was we were pursuing this dream.
And even through this day, my wonderful husband still kept us on course. We have now submitted the preliminary site plan to the Zoning department for approval. We should be on track for at least a soft opening on March 16th (James Madison’s Birthday) and fully open by April 1st.
Life really does happen, but we march on, even though the tough decisions. But one thing that I have learned from this is that we aren’t alone in those times. We endure them with the help of our loved ones and friends, whether here with us or in cyber space.